


From Eden

by KikiRose



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, post-trk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-17 22:30:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7288666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KikiRose/pseuds/KikiRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Ronan and Adam moments, from TRB to post-TRK. Rating will go up later. </p><p>"Ronan’s eyes flew open and he sat up, burying his face in his hands.<br/>Whatever had happened last night, it could not be undone."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sins of the Father

**Author's Note:**

> All lyrics and work title from Hozier's "From Eden". Give it a listen, it's the perfect Ronan/Adam song!

_ Babe, there's something lonesome about you _

_ Something so wholesome about you _

_ Get closer to me _

 

     Ronan didn’t even make it all the way out of the shitty driveway before the yelling started. 

     He steeled himself, willing his foot to keep pressing the gas. Adam always made it so clear he didn’t want their help, didn’t need them around his parents. He came to school blue and black, eyes like an animal cornered, and Ronan had watched Gansey fail long enough to know Adam didn’t want their intervention. 

     Ronan told himself this but couldn’t will his foot to move. He was frozen there, in the car, and slowly he rolled down his window and turned around. 

     Adam’s dad was a hulking beast of a man and reminded Ronan of his nightmare creatures even though he was just an average-looking redneck. Something about his face, half shadow and half light spilling from the trailer, felt alien and wrong. Thorns were twisting in Ronan’s gut and he willed himself to leave, to let Adam be. 

     Adam’s father was bellowing, holding Adam up by his collar. Adam turned his face and Ronan caught a glimpse of his face screwed up in fear and anger hot as blood rushed through Ronan. How could he leave? Adam didn’t want their help, but that was just his stupid complex Ronan couldn’t leave him alone to face this how had they ever left Adam alone to face this monster--

     A  _ crack  _ split the night, driving into Ronan’s stomach like a punch, and Adam fell down the stairs like one of those old paintings of angels falling, falling prone to Earth’s surface. Adam’s head hit the edge of the railing with a hollow  _ thud.  _ Ronan felt sick. He put the car in park quickly. His heart was beating so fast he could feel his pulse in his fingertips. 

     Adam’s father continued barking at Adam as he descended the stairs. Adam was stirring on the ground and for one wild second Ronan thought maybe Adam’s father would reach down to help him up, at least, get him out of that fucking dirt. 

     But, no. Adam’s father just stood above him, ignoring the way Adam twitched and shook and Ronan knew he was hurt, hurt bad. 

     Viscerally, a memory hit Ronan of a time long ago when his father had returned from one of his long absences. Ronan had run down the driveway of the Barns, whooping at the sight of his dad home again. Niall had been chuckling, arms outstretched waiting to gather up Ronan in a great bear hug when Ronan had tripped on a crack in the cement and fell, skidding out on the driveway like a bike. 

     He had spent one second there on the ground, body full of the humming white noise of sudden pain. One second before Niall had scooped him up and held his small body against him, chuckling ruefully. 

     “Oh, you’re mother is gonna be steamed about this, lad.” Niall shook his head. 

     Ronan had frowned, eyes stinging with tears. “I was just excited!” 

     Niall had planted a whiskery kiss on Ronan’s forehead, “I’m happy to see you, too, my little bruiser. Let’s get you cleaned up.” 

     Later, Niall would clean and bandage every one of Ronan’s scrapes while singing bawdy Irish ballads to distract him from the pain. 

     The whole memory had crystallized in Ronan’s mind to mean one thing: love. 

     His car door was open before he even knew what he was doing. Anger was pumping through him, a fire that he knew all too well would destroy everything else. He wasn’t sure he could ever forget the way Adam looked right now, dangling like a broken bird in his father’s hands. As Ronan got closer he could see blood dripping down the side of Adam’s face, black in the moonlight. 

_      I’m gonna have nightmares about this for weeks,  _ Ronan thought viciously as Adam’s father turned to him. 

     “What do you want?” Adam’s father snarled, fists still holding Adam up as if he was a ragdoll not a boy not a beautiful boy with hollow cheeks and light eyes and a face that was always tired he was just always so  _ fucking  _ tired--

     “To do this,” Ronan replied calmly before slamming his knuckles into Adam’s father’s face. 

      When Ronan fought angry he lost control of himself, all he was was fists and teeth and thorns under his skin. The two of them went at each other viciously, and Ronan let all the rage he felt over the blood on Adam’s pale cheek come out of him in punches and kicks and he didn’t even care if Adam’s father hurt him--

     “Ronan.” 

     Adam’s voice was a creaky whisper, barely audible over the ringing in Ronan’s ears and the pain that was radiating through him. Ronan stilled, just for a moment, not even looking up at Adam but feeling his eyes he wanted to tell Adam to run away he would handle this Ronan would protect him--

     Adam’s father used Ronan’s moment of distraction to push him to the ground, leaving Ronan to fend off kicks unsuccessfully.

     He knew he was getting hurt and he was going to look terrible tomorrow but there was no Niall Lynch anymore to bandage him up so what was the point anymore Ronan let Adam’s father land a punch before grabbing him and pulling him down into the dirt where he belonged and he got up on his knees and punched Adam’s father’s face again, again, wanting to stain the ground with his blood the same way he had cracked open Adam’s head--

     Sirens were wailing and someone was grabbing Ronan’s arms and roughly dragging him upwards. The cops. Ronan went limp, knowing it was easier to just along with the police. Before they dragged him away he spat on Adam’s father, relishing the look of disgust on his face.

    He couldn’t believe Adam’s fucking mother had called the police over this. What about all those times Adam came to school with bruises blooming across his face? What about the time he had come to Monmouth with a broken wrist and no insurance? Gansey had had to google how to splint and bandage a wrist and they all knew it would still probably never heal right. 

     Ronan didn’t care that they were leading him to the cop cars. He was just glad the police were here. 

     He heard the one standing next to Adam asking, “Have you been drinking, son?” and rage boiled through Ronan again, cutting through the pain and bringing him back to clarity.

     “No he fucking hasn’t!” Ronan shouted, gesturing wildly at Adam’s father, “this fucking shitstain beats the shit out of him all the fucking time! He’s a fucking monster fucking arrest that piece of fucking trash!” 

     Disgusted, he heeded the warning in the officer’s voice and kept heading to the car. He knew, distantly, that this was the end for him. Monmouth was over, Aglionby was over, Declan was going to be furious (good), Gansey was going to be furious (bad). None of it mattered, though, Ronan couldn’t shake the lasting image of his father lifting him from the ground he couldn’t let Adam stay on the ground couldn’t let Adam think he was unloved and unwanted there bleeding out on the dirt--

     Adam’s voice broke through the night again, stronger this time.

     “Ronan was defending me.” 

     Ronan froze, turning to see Adam looking at the cop that had helped him up. His hands were trembling and there was blood smeared across his cheek but his voice was strong and clear. 

     Adam saved Ronan with just six words: 

     “Can I...can I press charges?” 

 

      The rest of the night was a blur of shock blankets and ambulances and Adam being whisked away from Ronan before he could talk to him, tell him everything was going to be alright, thank him for doing what Ronan thought he never could to save Ronan’s ass. 

     That morning, just as sunrise was creeping fingers of gold into the grey sky, Ronan flopped out onto his bed and closed his eyes. 

      Adam had risked everything to save him tonight. To make sure Ronan wasn’t blamed, wasn’t punished. Adam had stood up to his father. Stood up to whatever part of his mind always prevented him from leaving that trailer, from admitting he was suffering. 

      Ronan gathered his flimsy blanket up against his chest and squeezed willing his eyes to stay closed and for a dreamless sleep to descend on him. He had to get up soon. He had to study. He had to find a way to thank Adam without  _ thanking  _ Adam. He had to stop thinking about Adam’s face silhouetted against the light all sharp cheekbones and slim jaw and pale eyebrows--

     Ronan’s eyes flew open and he sat up, burying his face in his hands. 

     Whatever had happened last night, it could not be undone. 

 


	2. For Your Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan's POV leading up to the infamous "manibus" scene.

_ Babe, there's something wretched about this _

_ Something so precious about this _

 

 

Not for the first time, Ronan dreamed about Adam Parrish’s hands.

They were in his dream woods, in a sprawling meadow that was so beautiful it made all of Ronan’s nightmare creatures seem worlds away. 

Dream Adam was standing with a slight smile on his face and the everything narrowed down to Adam’s smile, his fine brown hair, his large knuckles. Ronan closed the gap between them and cradled Adam’s face in his hand  _ Oh, Adam if only-- _

Ronan closed his eyes and brought dream Adam’s hands to his mouth, running his lips down his narrow fingers and pressing gentle kisses to his knuckles. Dream Adam made soft noises that weren’t quite human--leaves rustling, wings beating, the throaty murmur of a bird and Ronan felt a longing like he had never felt before  _ if only.... _

Something wet touched Ronan’s mouth and he opened his eyes to see blood on Adam’s knuckles, blood on his hands. Ronan reached up and wiped his mouth off on his wrist, it came away red. 

“Your hands,” Ronan murmured. Dream Adam whispered something so quiet it was unintelligible and Ronan remembered why he had decided to dream tonight in the first place. 

They had been at Monmouth, killing time before Adam had to rush off to work for hours. He and Gansey had been quizzing each other for their Chemistry test the next day, and Ronan had been lying on the couch playing with Chainsaw and surreptitiously glancing at Adam.

He had noticed that Adam’s hands were red and raw looking, and Adam had kept absentmindedly scratching at them. Ronan had worried away at his bottom lip while Adam scratched until he drew blood, apparently not even aware of it. 

“Christ, Parrish,” Ronan blurted out when he couldn’t stand the sight of Adam’s blood any longer, “what the fuck is wrong with your hands?”

“Huh?” Adam looked down, eyes widening at the bloody scratches across his knuckles, “ah, crap. They get really dry in this weather and when I have to wash all the grease and stuff off my hands at work.” 

“There’s this little thing,” Gansey flipped over a flash card lazily, “called hand lotion.”

Adam frowned, “I rub, er, vaseline on them sometimes.”

There was one of those long uncomfortable moments when Gansey and Ronan realized that Adam couldn’t buy things like  _ socks  _ or  _ hand lotion  _ because he could barely afford food. Ronan was usually better than Gansey about that stuff but even he hadn’t thought that a little thing of lotion would break the bank. 

He had flushed quietly with shame as Gansey had quickly moved the conversation back to Chemistry. Ronan wanted to be better about Adam. Better for Adam. 

So he had decided to dream. 

Ronan pressed his lips to dream Adam’s knuckles again and again, eyes fluttering closed. Dream Adam was whispering his name  _ Ronan Ronan Ronan  _ and it was enough, it would be enough. For now. 

Something rustled behind him and Ronan turned quickly, throwing his arms in front of dream Adam. He knew dream Adam wasn’t something he created, wasn’t living like Orphan Girl, but was just a regular dream one of the only ones he liked having. But he couldn’t bear to watch any form of Adam ripped apart by the horrific things that haunted Ronan’s dreamscape. 

His heart plummeted when he saw that the figure behind them was Adam’s father. 

He’d had this nightmare before. Forced to watch Adam’s dad scream, beat Adam senseless, beat him until he was dead. Sometimes Ronan could intervene and sometimes he was frozen in a time loop of watching Adam outside his trailer falling, cracking his head, laying still. 

“No,” Ronan said more to himself than the monstrous man in front of him, “you can’t touch him anymore.” 

Adam’s father just breathed great, ragged breaths like some kind of wild beast. Ronan’s chest was heaving in fear, in anticipation. His arms were trembling but he kept them out, spread in front of Adam like the shield he wished he could always be. 

Adam’s father opened his mouth slowly, jaw unhinging until his mouth was open larger than any human’s should be Ronan could see down his slick red throat like a snake and suddenly dream Adam was screaming Ronan had never heard Adam scream before but somehow his dream created it perfectly.

Ronan spun around and grabbed dream Adam’s shoulders, “No, no, shh, shh--fuck--!”

Adam screamed and screamed and blood was pouring from his ears and his knuckles dripped blood and Ronan felt bile rise in his throat he couldn’t watch this he couldn’t it was too painful it was too painful--

Suddenly great black cracks began to open up across the back of Adam’s chapped hands like fault lines and they spread across his body, black lighting against Adam’s tan and Ronan was the one screaming now, yelling at dream Adam to stop fucking around stop it stop it he wanted to wake up but he was too afraid he would bring back Adam’s monster father he couldn’t risk it--

The black cracks traveled up Adam’s cheeks and Ronan grabbed the sides of his face desperately but just as dream Adam looked up to meet Ronan’s eyes his body disintegrated into dust.

Ronan stood frozen, shaking hands covered in sand. He’d had nightmares about Adam before but nothing like this. 

He turned slowly to see that  _ at least  _ Adam’s fucking father had disappeared too. 

He sank to his knees and covered his eyes with his hands. This was so fucked up. It was all fucked up. But the parts when it was just him dreaming about Adam’s hands and Adam’s small smile, that had to be okay. He had to be allowed that. Even though he created monsters and brothers and ravens in dreams he should still be allowed to dream about the boy he--

“This is ridiculous,” Ronan snapped before closing his eyes and envisioning exactly what he wanted.

He imagined a cream his mother had when he was a child, a lotion in a little white tub she would unscrew every night and rub into her hands. Ronan imagined reaching into that pot and massaging the lotion into Adam’s dry hands until they were soft and smooth.

Ronan opened his eyes and saw the little white tub in his hands. He unscrewed the lid and smelled the cream, smiling when the familiar scent of mist and moss reached his nose. This would do. 

  
  


Ronan woke up with the tub on his pillow. He lay for a moment as his body slowly began to work again, glancing at the clock on his bedside table. It wasn’t late, but he knew Adam would still be at the garage for awhile. 

Grinning, Ronan got up and pulled on a pair of sweats and his leather jacket. He stuffed his feet into boots before grabbing a Sharpie and flipping the tub over. He thought for a moment of just writing “Adam” but decided that was a tad too revealing while also being too vague. 

Carefully, he wrote  _ manibus  _ and couldn’t help smiling at the thought of Adam seeing that and knowing who had written it. 

“Kerah!” Chainsaw flapped curiously on the windowsill. 

“C’mon, Chainsaw,” Ronan held his arm out for her, “we’re going on a field trip.” 

  
  


Halfway to Adam’s garage Ronan realized one of his nightmare creatures was flying ahead of the car. 

“Fuck,” Ronan. It was the white one. The white one had escaped a little while ago and shown a knack for seeking out all the things Ronan wanted at the time. Just last Tuesday he’d narrowly avoided disaster when the nightmare creature had almost beat him to the grocery store when Ronan had a sudden craving for Oreos. 

Now, of course, it was headed straight for Adam. 

_ It won’t hurt him,  _ Ronan thought as he pulled onto the little road that led to the garage Adam was working too much at,  _ maybe it’ll play it fucking cool for once.  _

Ronan parked his car near Adam’s and grabbed the tub of lotion. Adam’s shitbox of a car was unlocked, probably because there was nothing in it of value and no sane person would want to steal it. 

Ronan opened the passenger door and leaned in, inhaling deeply. The car smelled just like Adam. Like motor oil, gasoline, sweat, the musty tang of cheap deodorant, and underneath it all the clear green smell of Cabeswater. Ronan wanted to live and die in Adam’s scent. He took another deep breath before setting down the tub of lotion and closing the door quietly. 

He looked up at the garage and saw his white nightmare creature had disappeared. 

_ Great,  _ Ronan sighed. Now he had to go deal with that. 

It was fine. He’d been planning on thinking up some bullshit reason for being here anyway and going to visit Adam.  

He thought of his earlier dream, bringing Adam’s hands to his mouth.

_ This is enough,  _ he thought as he walked up to the garage,  _ for now this is enough.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from Hozier's "From Eden"


	3. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Ronan watches himself die on the floor of the church, he lingers just a little longer.

_ No tired sighs, no rolling eyes, no irony _

_ No 'who cares', no vacant stares, no time for me _

 

 

Ronan watched Adam leave the church, insides raw and seething with anger and grief. 

_ Fuck him, fuck Adam,  _ Ronan thought viciously though his hands were trembling and he was replaying the look of horror on Adam’s face over and over again. 

Adam must think he was a monster. He looked up at the ceiling of the church and silently prayed for forgiveness, for Mercy.

_ Dear God what am I what am I... _

_ You are the Graywaren  _ a voice murmured in his head,  _ like your father before you. _

Ronan rubbed his face, nausea finally beginning to fade. He had wanted to be better for Adam. He had imagined dreaming for Adam before. He wanted to bring back something good, something that would make Adam smile one of his rare, elastic smiles. He hadn’t wanted it to be like this, blood soaked and horrific. He wanted Adam to know that there was goodness in dreams, in Ronan. Before Adam could ever know the truth about Cabeswater, he had to know that the things that came out of Ronan weren’t always nightmares and monsters. 

He knew about Matthew. That was a start. 

Ronan stared down at his dead body on the ground, sucking his bottom lip in. It was a grotesque, mind bending sight to see himself prone and bloodied on the floor. It hurt to know he had created something just for it to die. But he had to do it to make sure nothing slipped through to attack Adam.

He would die for Adam, in any form. In any dimension. The bloody Ronan on the ground was a testament to that, an echo of a future that could still come true for the Ronan that breathed.   

It was a sacrifice he would make again and again. As many times as it took. 

_ Next time, you can die alone.  _

Ronan rubbed his numb fingers, shaking his head. Fucking Adam. What an asshole. If only he knew. If only he fucking knew. 

Not like Ronan was gonna tell him or anything, though. 

Sighing, Ronan dug around in his pocket for the dream thing he hadn’t given to Adam. It was a pouch of white dust. Ronan had read a weird sci-fi short story once where a hit man had powder that could dissolve bodies in a blink of an eye, melt away blood from a crime scene until there was just a fine layer of grime. Luckily all he needed to create something was a clear image of it, a good feel of what it was and what it could do. 

Ronan knew he couldn’t leave his church’s sanctuary full of his own blood. Nor could he bury a perfect copy of himself anywhere. He didn’t even want to think about what would happen if someone ever found  _ that.  _

As macabre as what he was about to do was, it was still better than burying his own body out in the woods somewhere. 

Ronan stood up and dug his fingers into the fine white powder. 

“Our Father, which art in heaven,/Hallowed be thy Name./Thy Kingdom come./Thy will be done in earth, As it is in heaven.” 

Ronan murmured the Lord’s Prayer as he sprinkled the dust over the blood stains, watching with pleasure as they paled and then evaporated into nothingness. 

“Give us this day our daily bread./And forgive us our trespasses,/As we forgive them that trespass against us.”

He knew Adam was just being Adam. He couldn’t blame him. He had asked Ronan to lie and dream horrors, been shocked when he saw what this did, but he had done it all because Ronan had asked him to figure out how to get rid of Greenmantle. Ronan wanted to beat Greenmantle’s head in with a tire iron. But he couldn’t. So Adam had done what Ronan couldn’t do either, and come up with a plan that Ronan grudgingly knew would work perfectly. 

Bright, beautiful, brave and powerful Adam had asked for something without knowing the consequences, and Ronan had lashed out because he didn’t want Adam to see what it meant to know Ronan the way he wanted Adam to know him. 

_ He’ll be fine,  _ Ronan turned to face the body,  _ he’s the Magician.  _

Ronan held a handful of powder above his own body, lips moving almost soundlessly. “And lead us not into temptation...”

He led the powder slip through his fingers like sand. It it the body with a  _ hiss  _ and an acrid smell filled the air as the body slowly melted away into ash, into powder, into a soft layer of dust. 

Ronan stood above the spot where his dead body had just rested, wondering if this was what God felt like. 

“But deliver us from evil./For thine is the kingdom,/The power, and the glory,/For ever and ever./Amen.” 

 

He stood in the doorway leading to the rest of the church, looking back on his handiwork. The room was filled with a thin layer of dust and grime, but otherwise there was no sign of the nightmares that had occurred here. Sighing, Ronan zipped his jacket up and closed the door. 

 

Ronan lingered on the sidewalk for a moment, looking up at the little window that belonged to Adam’s shitty little apartment. The light was off, which hopefully meant Adam was fast asleep and dreaming peacefully. 

Ronan stood there for a long moment, breathing in the wet night air and focusing on the tiny black window for as long as he could bear. Finally he turned and headed for his car, swinging his keys around on his finger. His BMW waited for him patiently, gleaming under the street lights. It was practically begging him to forget, to drive, to race the shadows nipping at his heels. 

Tonight would not be a night for sleeping. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from Hozier's "From Eden".


	4. So This Is Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aurora/Demon Possession Catharsis we were all needing after the end of TRK.

_ Babe, there's something tragic about you _

_ Something so magic about you _

_ Don't you agree? _

 

Blue and Gansey had gone to their families. They had families to worry over them, ask about what had happened, mother's arms to collapse into.  
Ronan and Adam had no one but each other, at the end of the long day. 

Ronan had left Gansey reluctantly, Adam could tell. He had even had a hard time letting Gansey back out into the real world, worried that any second the miracle would revert back and Gansey would crumple back to the ground. 

Blue’s eyes were tight with worry, too. But she smiled easily, hands fluttering over Gansey every so often as if she was checking he was still solid.

But it had to end sometime, their strange small bubble of fear and relief and joy and grief. They had to go to 300 Fox Way and tell Blue’s family everything. Gansey had to go find his family and come up with several excuses that were good enough to stop Helen from just killing him all over again. 

Ronan and Adam had stood together awkwardly for a moment before Ronan had jerked his head at his BMW and Adam had nodded. 

Ronan had scooped Orphan Girl up and put her in the backseat, strapping her in carefully. Adam had watched, emotions waging a war in his stomach. He felt sick. He felt happy. He felt broken. He felt alone. He felt whole. He felt love, deep and clear in his gut as he watched Ronan smooth his fingers over Orphan Girl’s short hair and murmur comforting words in the language only the two of them spoke. 

Ronan closed the door and turned to see Adam watching him. 

“You getting in the car, Parrish?” Ronan raised his dark eyebrows. 

Adam closed the distance between them and pressed a quick, careful kiss to Ronan’s startled mouth. As he pulled back Ronan caught his collar and pulled them back together, kissing Adam with an urgency he hadn’t expected. 

Adam steadied himself by placing his hand on the hot car behind Ronan, effectively pinning him against the car. 

“Geez, Parrish,” Ronan grinned, “there’s a kid present.” 

“Shut up,” Adam blushed, separating himself from Ronan’s gravity and pulling the passenger door open. “Are you okay to drive?” 

Ronan rolled his eyes, “it takes more than death and disfigurement to get me out from behind the wheel, but thanks.” 

Adam strapped himself in grumpily, simultaneously reminded of how annoying Ronan could be and how  _ desperately  _ Adam needed him. 

A small hand tapped Adam’s elbow as Ronan jammed his keys in the ignition, and he turned to see Orphan Girl leaning forward.

“Is everything okay?” Adam asked, twisting in his seat to look at her.

Orphan Girl nodded. Somewhere in the insanity of the day she had lost her cap, letting her fine blond hair free. It was pointing every direction, haloing around her head like she had been electrified. 

“Are you okay?” She asked quietly, voice somehow childlike and ancient all at the same time. 

Adam smiled softly, “Yeah, I’m okay.” 

Even quieter Orphan Girl replied, “You lost Cabeswater.”

Adam looked up at Ronan, who peered back at him with curious blue eyes. 

“No I didn’t,” Adam replied gently, “I still have it here with me.”

The drive seemed longer than usual, every mile reminding Adam of the deep exhaustion he could feel in his bones. Neither Ronan nor Opal said a word as the car wound through the Virginia countryside, and Adam thought about Gansey. He hoped he was okay. He hoped he would be able to sleep again, ever, without the image of Gansey prone on the ground and Ronan crying above him. He had never seen Ronan cry before, not when Matthew was almost killed by Kavinsky, not when Ronan had woken up from seeing his mother’s dead and mutilated body. Adam couldn’t get the picture out of his head. He never wanted to see Ronan cry like that again. 

The green world outside Adam’s window whizzed past at a nauseating speed. He was sure Ronan was, as always, going twenty miles over the speed limit. 

  Adam kept glancing up at Ronan's face and neck seeing the scratches, the bruises. He had put those there. And Ronan had let him. Ronan, who was just as strong as Adam and taller, who could have easily fought him off. Hit him until he blacked out, no longer a threat. But Ronan had just let Adam's hands scrabble and scratch and squeeze, draw blood that was still dark and crusted under Adam's fingernails. He had held Adam tight against his chest, arms as gentle as they were firm. Ronan had let Adam’s head fall back onto his shoulder, held him up even as Adam’s legs had buckled and turned to jelly. Bleeding, raw, freshly orphaned Ronan had taken Adam into his arms and kept him upright. Adam didn’t think he would ever forget the way it had felt to rest the back of his head on Ronan’s shoulder, melt into him, rest his temple against Ronan’s neck and feel the thrill of Ronan’s pulse.

_ And perhaps it will be pleasing to have remembered these things one day.  _

Adam remembered the strange, intrusive feeling he had gotten after finding the cream in his car,  _ manibus.  _ He had held it in his dry, bloody hands, turning it over again and again until finally taking a small amount in his finger tips and smoothing it over his knuckles and palms. It felt like rain, instantly cooling the red irritation, the itchiness, the pain--the relief had been so strong, Adam had felt it in his stomach.

He had thought, in that quick moment of bliss and grief and gratefulness,  _ so this is what love is.  _ A scary thought. A very un-Adam Parrish kind of thought. He had banished it, yet here it was again as he looked at the mess of his possessed violence all over Ronan’s handsome face. 

_ So this is what love is.  _

He had never known before. 

Of course, now, he could see it stretching all the way back to the first time Gansey had greeted him in class. 

Love in the way Gansey would pick him up for school every morning, bring him a daily energy bar and coffee. Love in the way Gansey would linger every time he dropped Adam back off at the trailer, always waiting for the signal that he could take Adam and run. Love in Blue’s insistence that Adam sleep more, eat more, her gentle smile and cool fingers on his wrist. Love in the way she hadn’t let him put the anger in his DNA back onto her. 

Love in Ronan figuring out how to reduce Adam’s rent to the point where he could survive again. Love in Ronan’s fingers as he had turned Adam’s hands over and over, checking for injury. Love in the way Ronan had stood behind him when they had confronted Greenmantle, a solid warmth so present and coiled with energy that Adam knew nothing bad could happen with the Greywaren at his shoulder. Love,  _ love,  _ in Ronan’s taillights not zooming down Adam’s dark driveway, in the way Ronan had struck Adam’s father down, let the punches and kicks meant for Adam rain down on himself.

Ronan had taken on Adam’s pain that night so long ago outside the trailer, and he had done so again today. 

Adam thought of the way Gansey had looked when he had kissed Blue, finally, knowing he would die. His face had been lit up like a sun, even as he had crumpled to the ground.

Love, love, what a strange thing it was. Adam felt glutted on it. 

When they finally reached the Barns, Ronan parked the car and tossed the keys to Adam.

“Go take Orphan Girl inside,” Ronan said softly, looking at the steering wheel, “get her settled.”

“Ronan--” 

“I have to...” Ronan trailed off. He was not looking at Adam, deliberately it seemed. He was staring out the window, and Adam resisted the urge to reach out and run his hands across the prickly expanse of Ronan’s shaved head and trace the parts of Ronan’s tattoo that wrapped around the top of his spine. 

“You have to call Declan,” Adam finished for him, the truth settling in his stomach like stones. Of course he had to call Declan and Matthew. He hadn’t yet. Adam had noticed that, worried what it meant. Of course they had had other things on their mind, but still. A lot of time had passed. He didn’t want to think about Declan and Matthew in D.C., anxiously waiting to hear about Ronan’s well being but not even imagining that they were motherless. Permanently, this time. 

Ronan nodded, still not turning from the window.

Adam reached out and rested his hand on top of Ronan’s, hoping somehow the gesture would convey that if Adam could be the one this time bearing the pain he would be.

“I’ll be back, soon,” was all Adam could think of before he turned and opened his door. 

As he got Orphan Girl out of the car he saw Ronan watching him, blue eyes pale and strange in the twilight. 

Ronan noticed Adam watching him and simply jerked his head at the house before pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket.

Adam hurried Orphan Girl into the house. If anything, she should be spared from what was about to happen. 

“He shouldn’t be alone,” Orphan Girl said quietly as Adam began to turn on lights, “I should be there with him.” 

Adam turned to look at her, this strange amalgam of Ronan and dreams made flesh.

He walked back to her and knelt down, resting his hands on her delicate shoulders. “Listen, kid, I don’t really know about what you were to Ronan in his dreams but--you’re here, now. You’re a part of this world. And here, you don’t have to be there in his nightmares all the time. You don’t have to suffer with him. You can feel sorry for him, and you can--you can hurt. But you don’t have to put yourself between him and nightmares.”

_ You don’t have to be a shield anymore, Ronan, please.  _

Orphan Girl watched him with eyes that just weren’t quite human. Finally she smiled, nodding. 

“Do you--do you want something to eat?” Adam wasn’t sure what he was doing. He barely knew what Orphan Girl really was.

Somehow they ended up making a plate of PB&Js and raw chicken--a combination Orphan GIrl assured him was perfect. He knew she wouldn’t want to sleep, not after they day they’d had, so he brought her into the smaller living room and let her get comfy on one of the massive couches.

He tried not to think about the fact that the Barns’ main living room was currently full of blood and bullet holes. 

“How about you watch a movie?” Adam gestured at the Lynch’s enormous TV. When he had been younger, he had always longed to be able to watch movies by himself when his father was in one of his rages. A movie meant escape, laughter. It meant the good guys winning, in the end.   

“I don’t know much about movies,” Orphan Girl replied between mouthfuls of sandwich and chicken.

“Well, let’s work on that,” Adam said, smiling.

He finally figured out how to use Ronan’s wildly high-tech and complicated television, somehow navigating to Netflix and picking the first Disney Princess movie he saw. Girls liked Princesses, right? 

“I’ll be right back,” Adam ruffled Orphan Girl’s hair, “I’m going to go check on Ronan.”

“I thought you said we couldn’t be with Ronan!”

“I said  _ you  _ couldn’t be with Ronan,” Adam shrugged, “but it’s okay for me to take on some of his nightmares, now. You can take a really long break.”

Orphan Girl thought about this for a second before nodding and turning her attention back to the movie.

Adam slipped outside.

Ronan was sitting in the car still, door open and one foot on the driveway. Adam had a sudden, sickening image of Niall slumped outside the same car in the same driveway covered in his own blood and viscera. 

Ronan was still on the phone. He was leaning down, elbow on his knee and hand splayed over his face. The hand that held his phone was visibly shaking, and even though Adam was too far away to hear any words he could hear the terrible unevenness of Ronan’s voice.

Adam stood there, halfway between the house and the car, waiting. Misery was coiled into Ronan’s body, evident in every taught muscle and the way he was tapping his foot manically against the cement. Here, in the same driveway where he found his father dead, Ronan was being forced to once again deliver the news of a parent’s sudden and violent demise. Adam ached for him. Adam’s stomach was in knots. Adam wanted to vomit, wanted to hold Ronan, wanted to somehow go back and stop any of this from happening. He wanted to shed his skin, shed Adam, and stop feeling this horrific misery as he looked at Ronan’s trembling body. 

_ So this is what love is.  _

Finally, horribly, Ronan removed the phone from his ear and stuffed it back in his pocket. He sat there for a second, shoulders rising and falling with ragged breath. Finally, he looked up and saw Adam.

His pale face was streaked with tears.

Adam closed the distance between them with jerkingly fast steps, tripping over to Ronan and pulling the door open further so he could pull Ronan up and into his arms. Ronan was a good head taller than him, but for a moment he crumpled against Adam’s chest. 

“Fuck, fuck,” Rona whimpered, hands clawing at Adam’s shirt for one wild second before he stood up abruptly and pushed himself away. 

“This is stupid, this--” Ronan gestured wildly, at himself, at his car, at the Barns, before his hands fell limp. “Let’s go inside.” 

Adam made a point of taking Ronan’s hand as they walked back into the Barns. They hadn’t been much for hand holding before, in the strange dayish that had passed since they’d first kissed, but it felt right now. 

Ronan didn’t look at Adam, but he did squeeze his hand. It felt like enough.

When they got into the living room, Orphan Girl was curled up on the couch fast asleep. The movie was playing cheerfully in the background, and the two boys decided without words to leave it on. Ronan grabbed a soft blue blanket and pulled it over Orphan Girl’s thin frame, murmuring words in Latin that Adam recognized dimly as a prayer. 

“You hungry?” Ronan asked quietly as they moved silently out of the living room.

“No,” Adam frowned, “are you?”

“No.” 

Ronan stood in the kitchen, looking fidgety and strange. 

“What’s--” Adam stopped himself from saying  _ what’s wrong  _ just in time.

Ronan looked back in the direction of the living room. “I just don’t feel safe anymore. Not after--Cabeswater’s gone now, even. I just want to go sit on the couch and watch her sleep.”

“We can do that,” Adam replied softly. 

Ronan shook his head violently, then stilled. “We should--we should move her, at least. I have to fix up the downstairs now, after that fucker--that--”

“Okay,” Adam held up his hands as if he was surrendering, “let’s put her in Matthew’s room upstairs. She’ll be safe there.” 

Later, all Adam would remember was the infinitely tender way Ronan picked up Orphan Girl and moved her upstairs. He laid her down in Matthew’s bed and pulled the covers over her, humming a song Adam had never heard before the whole time. Adam would think, as he watched Ronan turn on a nightlight in Matthew’s room, that he had never been loved in this way as a child. But the thought, and all its bitterness, vanished in an instant.

They ended up in Ronan’s bed together. Wordlessly, they had laid down side by side and looked up at the ceiling. Adam listened to Ronan’s breathing and let it lull him until a strange calm stole over him, leaching the exhaustion from his bones and replacing it with syrup. 

“Ronan,” Adam said quietly, turning his head to look at the other boy.

Ronan’s eyes were closed. He grunted in response.

“Do you want to...talk about the phone call?” 

“Listen, Parrish,” Ronan cracked his eyes open to glare at Adam, “the answer to ‘do you want to talk’ will always be no.” 

Adam rolled his eyes, jabbing his elbow into Ronan’s ribcage. “Listen, Lynch, I feel the same way. But it’s different, now. We’re different now.” 

Ronan made a face but said nothing in reply. A long silence stretched and Adam even began to feel drowsy before Ronan rolled onto his side so he he was facing Adam now.

Adam mimicked him, wondering if perhaps the unthinkable was about to happen and Ronan was going to Express Himself With Words.

What came out of Ronan’s mouth next was still totally unexpcted:

“I want you to move in here, with me. With Orphan Girl.”

Adam’s mouth popped open before he could stop it. Scrambling to regain some dignity, he ran his hand over his face as if trying to scrub it off. Ronan watched him, eyes dangerously blue and eyelashes unfairly long.

“I--Ronan, I have an apartment and we--well we’re, I mean we  _ just--”  _

Ronan reached out and rested his fingers on Adam’s mouth, effectively stopping the terrible verbal diarrhea. 

"We can," Ronan growled as if the words were physically painful to force out, "we can go slow okay we can just be you know roommates or something fuck I just don't want you going back to that shitty apartment anymore alright? I just--need to make sure you're eating and sleeping and not working yourself to the bone alright, Parrish? And it's not fucking charity it's not me being you know, fuck, Gansey or something I just need to see you and know you're good everyday and I can't--I'm all that's left--there's so many empty rooms--" 

Ronan’s breath hitched and he stopped talking. He closed his eyes, whole body shaking, and Adam could see the physical toll it was taking on Ronan to stop himself from crying. Adam thought about his earlier wish to never see Ronan cry again and felt guilty. Ronan had weathered so many beatings for Adam, of all different sorts, and Adam was too afraid of love’s great pains to even watch Ronan cry.

His hands felt like bricks, useless and heavy.   
Adam didn't know how to comfort someone like this. He'd never been cradled by his mother. Pain was never followed by tenderness in the Parrish household.   
But Ronan had grown up in love. He needed it. Adam wanted to give him that.   
Carefully, Adam laid his head down and scooted up a little. He reached out and tugged Ronan's shirt. Ronan was still for a moment before he rolled onto Adam's waiting arm and pillowed his head on Adam's shoulder. Adam curled one arm up so he was cradling Ronan's prickly shaved head, drew his other arm around Ronan's back and gently pulled them closer.   
This wasn't too hard. This was okay. Adam could do this.   
Ronan breathed out against Adam's neck, eyes closed still. Adam had never felt so warm before.   
"Matthew was so upset," Ronan whispered into the cloth of Adam's shirt, "I could hear him crying when Declan took the phone."   
Adam thought of Matthew's sunny smile and his stomach twisted painfully.   
Adam leaned down and kissed Ronan's forehead, his hairline. Ronan sighed, reaching one hand up to rest on the side of Adam's neck.   
This is good, Adam thought, this is good and I can do this.   
Adam reached up and covered Ronan's hand with his, worming his fingers under the leather bracelets so he could feel the soft, scarred skin of Ronan's wrists. Ronan was covered with scars. That's what happened when you were a Graywaren with a penchant for fighting and mild car accidents, Adam supposed. But he couldn't stop thinking about the way his fingers had dug into Ronan's flesh.   
"I'm sorry about your face," Adam whispered.   
"That's pretty fucking rude," Ronan muttered and in the weak light filtering through the blinds Adam could see him smirking. "Some people tell me I'm pretty good looking, you know. I believe the word 'rugged' has been tossed around. Maybe 'hot in a mean way'."   
"Shut up," Adam rolled his eyes, "you know what I mean."   
“Wasn’t you,” Ronan replied quietly.

Adam kissed the cuts, the bruises, letting his mouth linger on Ronan’s skin so he could breathe in the smell of Ronan’s skin. He had never done anything like this before. His heart was beating out of his chest. He felt the same way he had with Cabeswater--as if he was himself, but somehow everything else. He kissed Ronan’s temple and felt it in every part of his body, in thrills of electricity that traveled through his blood. He felt like the Magician again, and all the magic of the world was clutched in his hands. 

“If you don’t,” Ronan broke off for a moment as Adam pressed a kiss below his ear and Adam took careful note of the way Ronan’s face flushed slightly.

“If I don’t want?” Adam murmured, pulling back so he was looking down at Ronan.

“If you don’t agree to move here, I’m just gonna come get all your stuff anyway.”  
It was a lie, Adam knew. Ronan would never do that, never made Adam uncomfortable or pressure him into doing something like this. It wasn’t like Gansey, poor well-meaning Gansey, who had always assumed that just because what he wanted for Adam was helpful it was the only thing to do. Ronan would let Adam keep living in that shitty apartment, if that’s what Adam really wanted.

“I’ll come visit you every Sunday,” Ronan continued. His hands traced Adam’s spine through his shirt, and a wicked smile flashed across his bloody, tear stained face. “We could do some very un-Catholic things every single Sunday.” 

Adam couldn’t stop the small sigh from escaping his lips, and his whole face flushed afterwards. Ronan dissolved into a fit of laughter that only ended after Adam wrestled his pillow from underneath them and tried to smother Ronan with it.

When Ronan finally managed to bat the pillow off the bed he repaid Adam with a slow, salty kiss. Adam kissed Ronan until he could no longer taste the tears on Ronan’s lips, until Ronan’s hands were fisted in Adam’s hair and Ronan was breathing in gasps. 

Adam pulled back, steadying himself on Ronan’s hips. Ronan watched him, pupils dilated and mouth red. Adam wanted things he had thought about before, but never with any real fire. Everything felt very real now, and Adam’s body was humming with possibility.

“Okay,” Adam said.

“Okay?” Ronan raised his eyebrows. “If you’re referring to that kiss I’m gonna have to say, you’re clearly not focusing because that was--more than okay. And I, ah, do think you enjoyed it.” 

Adam pulled the blanket onto this lap, embarrassed at the reminder of how clearly Ronan could see where Adam’s thoughts were.

“No, okay. I want to move in, here. With you. It’s going to be a pain in the ass to commute to school and work, though, so I might have to wait till summer to be here full time. But I can be here every weekend until then.” 

Ronan’s eyes widened, and Adam realized that he had truly expected Adam to say no. Adam was reminded of Gansey’s warning to be careful with Ronan.

“You really want to? I know I’m being like, crazy for asking I mean we’ve--we did just start--”

Adam grinned, “I think this...has been going on for awhile.”

Ronan was quiet for a second before he grinned back. “We can still, you know...not be weird about it. Not be Blue and Gansey about it.” 

Adam laughed as Ronan simpered, pretending to be Gansey in a way no one else could. “Oh, Blue, who my heart beats for exclusively you are a  _ poem,  _ my one and only, a true work of  _ art  _ and I just want to feed you grapes and listen to you talk about  _ trees all day long,  _ my darling.” 

Adam shoved Ronan’s shoulder gently. “Listen, Lynch, I’m only coming back if you’re gonna feed me grapes all day so I don’t know what you’re laughing about.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Ronan rolled his eyes before pulling Adam in for another kiss. 

“Kerah?”

The two boys broke apart to see Orphan Girl standing in the doorway, rubbing her eyes. 

“Hey,” Ronan frowned, “we have to start teaching you some real world manners.” 

“You don’t even have real world manners, Ronan,” Adam raised his eyebrows.

“One more word, Parrish, and you’re gonna regret it.” 

The three of them eventually went downstairs to make an elaborately strange dinner and settle down in front of the TV to watch another Disney movie.

Orphan Girl put her feet on Adam’s lap. Ronan curled up against the couch like a cat, resting his head on Adam’s shoulder. Tomorrow they would start fixing the Barns, removing all the signs of bloodshed. Soon, there would be a funeral. 

But tonight, they sat on the couch together and laughed.

_ So this is what love is,  _ Adam thought as he leaned down to kiss the top of Ronan’s head. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All lyrics from Hozier's "From Eden"  
> Also I was imagining the Barns as having like a main living room in the center of the house where The Grey Man shot That Evil Dude, and then there being another smaller TV room where much of this chapter is set. Just to clarify what I was thinking, because I realize I might be taking liberties with the structure of Ronan's house. Sorry, bro.


	5. Some Good In This World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shortly after Gansey's resurrection, Adam and Ronan have fallen into a rhythm that involves lots of pancakes and farm chores. Their routine is interrupted by a grim reminder.   
> Set between the end of TRK and TRK's epilogue.

_ Where to begin _

_ Babe, there's something broken about this _

_ But I might be hoping about this _

 

After Gansey died and came back to life and the hunt for Glendower was finally over, time passed strangely for Ronan. It dripped like honey, slow and sweet when Adam was in his bed or at the dinner table or teaching Orphan Girl how to read and write. When the three of them sat down with a bunch of magazines and books and one tattered copy of “1000 BABY NAMES” until Orphan GIrl emerged triumphantly with a new name: Opal. 

Sometimes time passed quickly, painfully, slicing through Ronan with a brutal swiftness. His mom’s funeral was a blur of Matthew’s muffled cries and Declan’s stoic frown and the weight of Aurora’s empty coffin as the three brother’s carried it to its final resting place. Ronan looked at the two headstones, side by side, reading his parents names over and over again.

“She’s with dad, now,” Declan had muttered, his hand on Ronan’s shoulder, “that’s always where she was meant to be.”

Ronan looked up at the most human Lynch brother and blinked away tears furiously. “You better keep him safe, Declan. I can’t let him end up like this, too.”

Declan turned to watch Matthew, who was off in the distance allowing Blue to braid daisies into his blond curls. They were both giggling. 

“Not all dreams are chained to their dreamers,” Declan replied quietly before squeezing Ronan’s shoulder and walking off. 

Everything was blurry and wrong after that until Adam walked up and took his hand.

“Gansey’s having a fit,” Adam said quietly, “he said one of us had to come get you. I volunteered.”

Ronan rubbed at his eyes with his shitty, scratchy suit sleeve. “Why’s Gansey having fit?”

“Well, Lynch, I’ll admit the fact that you’ve been standing in front of your parents’ graves for about an hour is starting to look a little troubling.” 

Ronan sniffed loudly before laughing, “fuck you. Fuck Gansey. Can we go to Nino’s now?”

Adam leaned over and kissed Ronan’s jaw, the only place he could reach without standing up on his toes. 

“Come on, asshole.” Adam grinned, and Ronan felt some of the hollowness in his chest fill back up. 

At Nino’s, Opal sat on Ronan’s lap and Adam held his hand under the table and Gansey had a beer and started reciting some weird Welsh ballad for fallen warriors and Ronan decided that everything would be alright, in the end.

 

Adam made good on his promise to return to the Barns on the weekend. Sometimes he would leave to go the the mechanic for a night shift, but he would do the long drive there and back and end up flopped out next to Ronan before long. He would do his homework during the day for hours while Opal and Ronan tended the farm, and then the three of them would cook or order out and sit together at the table or pick a movie to watch. Ronan and Adam had started the long process of “humanifiying” Opal, which meant feeding her pop-tarts and letting her slowly plow through Disney movies. 

After Opal went to sleep, Adam would attempt to do more homework. Sometimes Ronan let him. Sometimes he would sit on the table right next to Adam’s open books and talk until Adam was forced to engage in conversation. Sometimes Ronan would pull Adam’s chair back and kiss him until Adam wasn’t protesting anymore and Adam would drag Ronan over to the couch and slide his shirt off, tracing his tattoo with a reverence Ronan had never seen in Adam before. 

Sometimes, come Monday, Ronan would come to school with Adam. But not very often. 

It was a good rhythm. Ronan was just settling into it when, towards the end of April, his cellphone started to ring. Since Adam was at work and had also made Ronan swear to get better at being available for communication, Ronan begrudgingly lifted the phone up and answered it.

“Yo,” he said, nodding at Opal as she gestured first at the kitchen and then at the TV. She’d done her chores already.    
The tinny voice on the other side of the line coughed before saying in a long drawl, "is this Mr. Ronan Lynch?"   
Ronan narrowed his eyes. It had been a Henrietta area code, but he was still suspicious about anyone who knew his name. He knew the Graywaren was still a hot commodity.   
"Who's asking?"   
The voice sighed, "sir, I need you to confirm your identity before I proceed with this."   
Ronan rolled his eyes but decided to risk it, "yes, this is Ronan Lynch."   
"Was that so hard?" The voice drawled, and Ronan considered hanging up.   
Ice filled his veins, though, when the voice continued: "You're listed as Adam Parrish's emergency contact. There was an accident today at the factory. He's in the hospital, room 208...."  
A ringing filled Ronan's head so loudly he barely heard the rest of the instructions before hanging up the phone, grabbing his eyes, picking a squirming Opal up, and running full tilt to the BMW. 

The two of them turned quite a few heads as they entered the hospital. Opal had been gifted with all of Blue’s hand-me-downs, probably because not even the Salvation Army would have taken them. Today she was wearing purple leggings covered in sequins and two tank tops with one shredded t-shirt on top. She was wearing boots that Ronan had dreamed up, which fit her little hooves but still kept up the illusion of regular human feet. Unfortunately, she had insisted they be a brilliant shade of pink and more than a little glittery. Blue had already rubbed off on her too much. She’d even started clipping her hair back in the same weird way Blue always did. Ronan would never admit it was endearing. 

In sharp contrast to Opal’s colorful, swishing attire was Ronan. Head shaved close, jeans ripped, boots muddy, leather jacket costing an absolute fortune--certainly, he cut a unique figure as he walked up to the front desk. 

“We’re here to see Adam Parrish,” Ronan replied, listing all the information the phone person had given him.

“Are you family?” The lady behind the counter asked, raising her eyebrows.

Ronan leaned across the desk, smiling widely. “I’m his boyfriend.”

“Er,” the lady seemed at a loss for a moment before gesturing weakly to the small camera on the desk.

Five minutes later Ronan and Opal were wearing visitor badges and rushing to the elevator. 

Ronan jammed the button that said “2” and then the button that made the doors close. Opal was clinging to his leg.

“Christ, Opal, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t like this place,” Opal’s pupils were dilated, “it smells like death,  _ kerah,  _ I can smell it everywhere.”

Ronan picked her up, “Opal, I told you to stop saying creepy shit like that when we’re out. Didn’t I say that?”

Opal frowned. 

It took them a little while to find the room Adam was in, but as soon as they did Ronan threw the door open and Opal rushed ahead. 

There Adam was, lying in a white hospital bed with a cast on his arm and his hand over his eyes. Ronan had never wanted to both punch and kiss someone so badly in his life. 

“Adam?” Opal trilled, running up to the bed and looking back at Ronan with fear in her eyes. 

Adam’s eyes flew open as he saw Opal and then Ronan. “Oh, thank God--”

Ronan closed the distance between them quickly, leaning down and kissing Adam gently before pulling back glaring.

Adam raised his good hand, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know you were worried--”

“What the fuck happened?” Ronan demanded. 

Adam sighed heavily, “I was moving inventory around and this fucking stack of boxes fell on me. My wrist is sprained and my shoulder is messed up. My back is a mess, too, the doctor said I have like severe muscle bruising or something but all they can give me for that is pain killers.” 

“Jesus Mary and Joseph.” ,” Ronan felt nauseous, “fuck, Parrish.”

Adam smiled up at him weakly, “it could have been a lot worse.”

Opal poked Adam’s leg, “I don’t like it here, Adam. Ronan is worried and it smells like death. Can we go home?” 

“Don’t be a brat,” Ronan nudged Opal’s shoulder, “he’s hurt.”

Opal narrowed her eyes at Adam’s wrist. She still had a hard time understanding human things, but pain and suffering was something she was well versed in. 

“The doctors said I could leave as soon as someone came to get me,” Adam smiled up at Ronan, this time with real warmth, “they just have to come officially discharge me.” 

As if summoned by Adam’s cheeriness, a doctor breezed into the room, clipboard in hand.

“Adam Parrish,” the doctor said without looking up, “how’s your ear doing?”

Adam frowned, “it’s, er, still deaf. Thanks for asking.”

The doctor looked up and sighed when he saw Ronan. “Well, well, if it isn’t Ronan Lynch. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here when you’re not being admitted for something.”

Ronan grinned, “nice to see you, too, Doc.”

Adam glanced between the two of them, “am I missing something here?” 

“No, no,” the doctor was taking a perfunctory look at Adam, “the Lynch boys and their father have just ended up in this hospital quite often. I’ve spent quite a few holidays with the Lynch family, stitching them up or--what was that thing with an action figure that happened a few years back?”

Ronan grimaced, “Matthew swallowed a plastic sword after losing a bet.”

“Ah, right,” the doctor chuckled, “quite the Easter that was!”

Adam was shaking his head softly as if he was perhaps regretting his choice of emergency contact.

Ronan watched as Adam clambered out of the bed, wincing and flushing a sickly shade of red. Opal was shivering at his side, and he knew Adam’s pain was reverberating through them like a drop of water in a pond. 

 

When they got back to the Barns Ronan made a point to force Adam to call Gansey and tell him what had happened. He took pleasure in the way Adam scrambled to answer all of Gansey’s Worried Mom questions, and was secretly grateful that he would always have Gansey to be obnoxiously overbearing for him.

When Adam finally hung up he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Ronan, I’m so screwed. I’ll be typing essays one-handed until my wrist heals up and I don’t know how I’m going to keep working.”

“Aren’t you going to get some kind of...” Ronan struggled for the words he’d heard on cheesy radio ads before that had no bearing in his life, “uh--worker’s comp?”

Adam raised his eyebrows, “you have no idea what that means, do you?”

Ronan frowned, hoping his silence would be enough of an answer.

Adam rolled his eyes, “maybe if I could afford a lawyer. My foreman told me on the way to the ambulance that because I ‘knocked over the boxes’ the factory ‘can’t be held liable’. He’s a dick but, I have no bearing against a team of corporate lawyers.”

“I can hire you a lawyer,” Ronan said automatically, immediately hating how much like Gansey he sounded.   
Adam raised his eyebrows, “I’ll live, thanks. I’ll just have to cut back my hours a little and try to do easier stuff. Maybe ask for some desk work.”

Ronan nodded slowly but inside he was seething. Adam was bruised and broken and still trying to figure out how he could squeeze the last drops of energy out. 

_ Your hands, your eyes. _

All Adam ever did was sacrifice himself. Ronan knew what it felt like not to care about your own body, your life, your next breath. He knew what it felt like to crave the adrenaline rush that came long with not knowing if the next tight turn took at break-neck speeds would be your last. But he didn’t think Adam did this kind of shit for a rush. He just didn’t know how to stop pushing himself, didn’t know when to call it quits.  

The thought sat heavily in Ronan’s stomach as the three of them prepared dinner and Ronan eased Adam onto the couch. He fell asleep there, face pillowed against a couch cushion as the TV droned on the background.

Ronan got Opal ready for bed and tucked her into Matthew’s old bed, turning on the nightlight and checking the locks on her window. After making sure everything was secure he pulled her curtain back. He had dreamed it up for her, after she complained that Matthew’s old night light wasn’t enough to keep the night terrors at bay. The curtain was white with a brilliant, shining sun that flickered with a kind of innate light like a candle or coal. 

“This way, it’s always daytime,” Ronan had told Opal when he had shown it to her. She had been sleeping soundly ever since. 

Ronan traipsed back downstairs to find Adam still sleeping soundly. Ronan considered lifting him up and carrying him to bed but decided that would hurt his back too badly. He kneeled down and gently tapped Adam’s uninjured arm.

“Adam,” he said, “c’mon, wake up. If you sleep on the couch you’re gonna fuck up your back even worse.”

Adam groaned, eyes flickering open. He nodded and slowly stood up, hissing through clenched teeth as he straightened up. Ronan slipped his arm under Adam’s and slowly they made their way up to Ronan’s room. 

Ronan helped Adam strip out of his jeans and grimy shirt and Adam rolled gratefully into bed, curling up on his side and resting the arm in the cast on top of the comforter. 

Ronan crawled into bed next to him, propping himself up on his elbow. He watched Adsm sleep gingerly, his whole body tense with the pain even unconscious. Ronan remembered the way Adam had looked in a that mess of debris, completely untouched. Powerful. The Magician, protected and brimming with ability.

Ronan thought, _he doesn't have Cabeswater to protect him anymore._   
Then, fiercely, he realized that wasn't true.   
Ronan went downstairs and booted the computer on. A few emails and bank transfers later, he sat back and grinned.   
Adam was gonna be so pissed. 

 

Ronan woke up first, as per usual. He crept downstairs and made some coffee. Sooner than later Opal tripped down the stairs, demanding pancakes. They made the pancakes, devoured them, and started planning out the day’s farm chores by the time Adam came downstairs with messy bed head.   
"How you holding up?" Ronan asked, handing Adam a cup of coffee and kissing his forehead. Distantly, he remembered his father doing the same thing with his mom.   
“I’ll be alright,” Adam murmured, taking a sip of coffee and eying the leftover pancake batter. 

Half hour later they’d all gorged themselves on pancakes, Ronan and Opal for the second time, and Opal decided to go outside to play while they cleaned the kitchen up. 

“What’s on the roster today?” Adam yawned, one-handedly throwing in a dish load.

“Gathering eggs, weeding the garden, Opal wants to start plowing out an area for a flower garden. Some dream business. Gansey wants us to come to Fox Way for dinner.”

“Great,” Adam moaned, “I can get poked and prodded by Gansey  _ and  _ Blue’s twenty moms.” 

Ronan kissed the crown of Adam’s head as he walked to the cupboard, “if you want we can stay home and I can poke and prod you all by myself.”

Adam grinned, “I don’t think I’m really in the shape for that but thanks for the offer.”

“Another time, then.” Ronan hopped up on the table, chewing his leather bracelets. It would probably be best to tell Adam now, while Opal was outside and couldn’t be bothered by the yelling.

“So, Parrish.”

“Oh, God,” Adam turned around narrowed his eyes, “what did you do?” 

Ronan shrugged, “I payed off the rest of your tuition at Aglionby. You’re paid in full. And I also paid your rent at the shitty apartment through the end of your lease which, as you know, ends when school is over.”

Adam stood in front of the sink, mouth ajar and navy eyes full of an intriguing mix of anger and shock.

“You--” Adam took a deep breath, and Ronan felt a twinge of guilt over bringing out the anger in Adam he knew Adam tried so hard to keep at bay. 

Ronan raised his hands, “I know you’re going to be angry, alright. I’m not expecting a thank you or even for you to be happy at all. But I did it, and it’s done, and I won’t undo it.” 

“Ronan,” Adam’s voice was low and menacing, “you had no right.”

Ronan waved his hand, “that’s debatable but whatever. You’re a gimp, you need to rest. You need to sleep and eat and just go to school. You need to think about college and scholarships and all that shit, I don’t know. You’re graduating soon, Parrish, and I just want you to be able to not kill yourself in these last few months.” 

Adam closed his eyes and breathed heavily for a second before he started pacing, “I was doing fine on my own,  _ Lynch,  _ I didn’t need you to swoop in and--fucking-- _ save me  _ or something.” 

“Parrish, listen,” Ronan pulled out a chair and gestured at it, “I already told you it’s fine if you’re pissed off at me. Why don’t you sit down and yell some more so at least you’ll be resting your back.”

Adam looked like he was about to bolt out the back door. After a few beats of silence he slowly walked over and sat down. 

They were quiet for a little while, which was a surprise. Adam usually had a lot more fight in him. 

“I just...don’t want to feel like I owe you,” Adam finally said quietly.

Ronan shrugged, “then I’ll make it easy: you don’t.”

“You don’t get it!” Adam snapped, turning to look up at Ronan, “what you can give me...I can’t give you.”

“What are you talking about?” Ronan asked, kicking Adam’s chair leg.    
"I can barely afford to take you out to dinner,” Adam blushed angrily.   
Ronan rolled his eyes, "well it's a good thing I'm not the wine and dine kinda guy. I'll put out anyway."   
Adam flushed a deeper red, "you know what I'm talking about, Ronan. You can give me so much, and I can't give anything in return. There's too much...inequality between us."   
Ronan reached out and took Adam's wrist gently, bringing Adam's hand to his mouth and kissing his knuckles.  
Adam softened slightly, the tension in his shoulders loosening as he leaned into Ronan's touch.   
Ronan slipped his fingers through Adam's and rested their hands on his knee.   
"Adam," Ronan said softly, glad they were alone, "you're my family now. I don't have much of that left. You've sacrificed your body over and over, and I'm done watching it happen."   
"Ronan--"  
"Adam, fuck--" Ronan decided to just say it already, "I love you."

Adam froze. 

Ronan, kicking himself, continued: “I love you. And I--I don’t think I should even fucking have to say it because I know you know that’s how I feel. How I’ve felt.” 

“I know you don’t like to waste words,” Adam murmured, still looking at Ronan with wide eyes. 

“I just...” Ronan took advantage of Adam’s long silence to keep forcing out the words, “I don’t owe you anything, and you don’t owe me anything. We can...never spend money on each other or, or I can pay for you to stop working but--the point isn’t the money  it’s just...us. It’s family. I know--that you always give everything you have.” 

Ronan swallowed heavily and then cleared his throat, “and that’s, that’s all I’m saying because I sound like a goddamn idiot and I think it’s your fucking turn to say something.” 

Adam spluttered wordlessly for a moment before exhaling sharply and squeezing Ronan’s hand.

“I know  _ you _ know that I love you, too,” Adam said softly, and only in that moment did Ronan realize how much he was hoping Adam would say it back. 

They were quiet for a long moment in a way that Ronan knew meant everything was forgiven. 

Ronan reached out and smoothed his thumb over the plain of Adam’s cheek.

“No more bruises,” he said softly. 

Adam turned his head to kiss Ronan’s palm before standing up slowly, wincing slightly as he leaned over to kiss Ronan. 

Ronan slid his legs apart slightly so Adam could move closer, until their chests were touching and Adam had one arm hooked around his back and Ronan’s hands were knotted in Adam’s soft hair. 

They kissed until Adam broke away, instead brushing his lips against Ronan’s jawline and then his neck. Ronan sucked in a sudden breath, eying the door and hoping Opal wouldn’t barge in in the next few seconds. Adam really wasn’t playing fair. 

Adam kissed his way up and down Ronan’s neck until a small whispered moan escaped Ronan’s mouth. 

“If you--” Ronan tried to steady himself by grabbing onto Adam’s shoulders, “we’re going to have a problem.” 

Adam chuckled breathily in Ronan’s ear, “don’t worry--like I said, I’m just not in the shape for any poking and prodding right now.”

Ronan growled and pushed Adam away, “you’re a real fucking tease, Parrish.”

Adam grinned in a way that Ronan could only reluctantly describe as “saucily” before reaching out and resting his good hand on Ronan’s chest. It was an intimate, sweet gesture that was so unlike Adam it was actually surprising. 

“Say it again,” Adam asked quietly, “please.”

Ronan narrowed his eyes, “uh, you’re a fucking tease? Are you into like degradation or something, cus I’ll admit that’s kinda weird for me--”

Adam groaned, shaking Ronan gently,“You know what, forget it.”

He was turning away when Ronan caught his wrist and pulled him close again, gently, bringing Adam’s hand up to his mouth.

“I love you,” Ronan said so quietly it was almost a whisper. 

Adam closed his eyes and sighed, long and deep as if a great weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Ronan realized, suddenly, that Adam Parrish may have never heard someone say the words “I love you” to him before. 

Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam’s middle and rested his head on Adam’s chest, smiling into the fabric of Adam’s shirt when Adam absentmindedly stroked Ronan’s cropped hair. 

They stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, for a brief moment before Opal burst into the door with chicken feathers in her hair. 

“UM!” Opal panted, screeching to a halt and waving at Ronan, “I--someone, er, tried to get eggs from the chickens and, uh, somehow they got...um all over the place. Out. Everywhere.”

“Oh, God,” Ronan frowned, “did you finally eat a chicken, Opal?”

“NO!” Opal crossed her arms, “they just, um, got out.” 

“Definitely didn’t pass the truthful thing onto her,” Adam murmured with a fond smile on his face.

“I have to go handle this,” Ronan said apologetically as he slid off the table.

“That’s okay,” Adam smiled, “I guess I’ll just...rest.”

“Yeah,” Ronan kissed his temple, “you just rest.” 

When he and Opal returned from their insane chicken search and rescue, Adam was passed out on the couch. Ronan watched his easy breathing and marveled at the relaxed, calm expression on Adam’s sleeping face. 

He would later turn on the computer to find out that Adam had tried, fruitlessly, to hack into his email to presumably cancel all the payments Ronan had sent out. Ronan had gotten good laugh out of that. Old habits died hard.

But that night, Adam slept soundly and Ronan watched over him. He knew he had done the right thing. 

Cabeswater would always be there to protect its Magician. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All lyrics from Hozier's "From Eden"  
> Sorry this one took so long!! Thank you to everyone who has liked this fanfic or commented on it. Your feedback has been wonderful and really meant so much to me. I know we just all love these big ol dummies.


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